The Week That Was

In case you missed it....

• Gillete wants you to shave your junk to make your trunk look bigger! Huh??!!?
• Pop goes the weasel!! Woman blows away boyfriends manhood with fireworks!!!
• Megan Fox at a photoshoot... always interesting....
• Buffy reboot without Joss W???? Why even bother then?
• Jon Favreau on Iron Man 2 and Mickey Rourke as Whiplash
• "Die Hard" in a mall, Mall Cop is now out on DVD
• You can still get rape games in Japan
• DJ Hero looks sooo sweet!!!
• GTA The Ballad Of Gay Tony, the second Xbox 360 exclusive downloadable episode.
• Savita Bhabhi - The sexual adventures of a hot Indian Bhabhi ... WTF!
• Sextiquette 101

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The More You Know

Apparently, us guys were right all along. It is good for your skin!

A Norwegian company called Bioforskning (yes, thats the real name) has developed a facial treatment to minimize wrinkles and smooth skin utilizing spermine, an element in human sperm.

Russian Got Milk Advertisement

(I knew I was right... after all I am a genius...)

Yep! That’s right folks human sperm.

Guys have long thought this to be true but what's the thought process that goes into developing something like this. I wanna know who it was that was sitting at their kitchen table thinking, "Oh I know, jizz, that’s it! That'll do the trick! I betcha jizz is really good for your skin, let me test it out and then sell it for hundreds of dollars!"??

Thats right folks, the "treatment" will cost you about $250 per session. Seriously though, I'm sure you can find a cheaper source. So all you guys out there now have something to back up your claims. Girls you have a whole new thing coming to you...

And I thought this last treatment was cool!


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Moment of Vanity

I looked DAMN good today - and I didn't just look good because I'm good looking. Though I do admit it feels damn good, looking as good as I do. I got up this morning, got ready for my day, and as I passed the mirror I was like "Damn, I look good today!" (This is a daily occurrence for me, btw.)

You all get this reaction every now and then and it can be the result of many things. Usually you just have a new outfit on that you really like. Or you just got your haircut and you feel real “fresh”. (Ha ha I said 'fresh'.)

Everyone should have this happen to them at least once a week because it really does feel good. Unfortunately, for most of you out there, this is just not the case. (Don’t hate!) You’re too ugly! Plain and simple.

But wait, do not fret, there's hope for you yet. You know how you get hundreds of emails a day promising to make your “man parts” bigger, if only you would only try out that new experimental pill. Well what if I told you, that you too can have that “Damn! I’m good looking!” feeling when ever you wanted. In the convenience of a spray on bottle! Bet you’d plop down that Amex real quick wouldn’t you!?

Think about how much more productive you would be in your day to day life if you felt as good as, "The 2008 Worlds Sexiest Man" Hugh Jackman, looks. Or imagine what you could do if you believed you looked even as hot as me! (I got second place, and demanded a recount!)

“What, there’s a cop flagging me down? Fuck him, I’m damn good looking!”

“What boss you need me to work on Saturday? Fuck you! I’m going home early cause I’m damn good looking!”

"Whats that Megan Fox? You want to marry me? OK!"

Shoot, think about how much better an actor Hugh Jackman would be if he had that “Damn! I’m good looking!” feeling everyday! He would be like, “Damn! I look almost as good as WhoIsMookie today!” We might never of had to sit through the wackness of his called "movie", Australia. Wolverine would be so much more bad ass!

So for all you would be Casanova’s out there that just don’t have that confidence to walk up to the hot chick at the bar. For all you "guys" out there that don't have a big enough pair to go out and get what you want. Call to order today or send me a check for $149.95 and I’ll send you a 26 oz bottle of my sweat. Spray it on your face, and just feel my awesomeness.

Operators are standing by.


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Would You Wednesdays On Mondays

Would you punch your grandma hard for $25,000, and never be able to tell her why?



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The Week That Was

In case you missed it....

• Porn now used to better your health!?!?
• Mickey Mouse Dies, or rather the guy who did his voice.
• Me geek you long time. Geeks better in bed!
• Charles Darwin's theory of evolution proved true?
• The Girlfriend Experience (gfe), star Sasha Grey talks media.
• Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes trailer.
• Snake is back in Metal Gear 5???
• Tony Hawk: Ride sweet plastic peripherals.
• Terminator Salvation starts today!! (yesterday actually)
• Britney sexy again Spears in a bikini!
• Ghostbusters 3 filming begins in winter!?!

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It Came From The Interweb

This is why you’re fat!

------I’m pregnant! Asshole!!!------

Oh, not you then... my bad...

But you, over there... you fat bastard...

Yeah you...

This is why *you’re* fat.

The Corn Dog Casserole

A photoblog of foods that makes McDonalds look like a salad bar. Take for example The Corn Dog Casserole, “Layers composed of hash brown patties, crumbled bacon, baked beans, corn, french fries topped by corn dog slices with mustard icing.”

My heart slowed down just looking at those pictures…

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The More You Know

Mucophagy is the consumption of the mucus extracted from the nose with a finger, and is commonly referred to as “picking your nose and eating it”. (Where ‘it’ refers to the mucus and not your nose.)

Nose-picking generally is disgusting and to ingest it is even grosser… eww…

However, at least one well-known doctor sees nose-picking and mucophagy as beneficial. Prof. Dr. Friedrich Bischinger of Austria, thinks people who pick their nose have the right idea when it comes to proper nasal hygiene. Eating the dried remains found on your finger after a good deep dig makes perfect sense. When the bacteria in the boogers reach the booger eater’s intestines, it works as medicine giving your immune system a much-needed boost.

Now while this is refuted by the vast majority of the medical community, I can see why some of you out there would do it. Just don’t do it around me…
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Would You Wednesday On Monday

Almost forgot today!!!

Would you rather....

for a day have your saliva be replaced with urine?

or

for a day have your breath smell and taste like poo?

You have to choose!!

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When I Grow Up

When we were growing, up we all had dreams of becoming something really cool when we were older. There were some of us that wanted to be doctors, astronauts, a sports icon, and even the first black president. We all had dreams, and of course we changed our minds every now and then.

Here is what I wanted to be:


7-7:30 – Scrooge McDuck
7:30-8 – Inspector Gadget
8-8:30 – Captain Keith, Commander of Voltron (Black Lion)
8:30-9 – Any of the My Little Pony Ghostbusters crew
9-9:30 – Grumpy Smurf
9:30-10 – Michelangelo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
10-10:30 – Spiderman
10:30-11 – Superman
11-11:30 – Zack Morris

Lunch

3:30-4 – Snake from G.I. Joe
4-4:30 – Optimus Prime
4:30-5 – He-Man
5:30-6 – Lion-O from Thundercats
6-6:30 – Samantha Micelli’s boyfriend

Dinner

5:00-7:00 – Hulk Hogan
7:30-8 – Denise Huxtable’s boyfriend
8:00-9:00 – “Face” from The A Team


What about you guys??


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Happy Birthday Megan Fox

Its Megan Fox's 23rd Birthday!!!!
To celebrate I've put up a few pictures of her for you to enjoy.... so enjoy!!!



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The Week That Was

Heres a few links to stuff that got me feeling all tingly and stuff...

• World's largest bikini parade in Vegas sets Guinness World Record
• For you animal lovers out there a drowning kangaroo was rescued by surfer
• You're gonna have to find your "escort" for the prom the old fashioned way
• The updated Mike Tyson's Punch-Out is now available on the WII. Look out Glass Joe here I come.
• Megan Fox is now claiming to be bisexual, told you she was the perfect woman.
• Maxim Unveils Top 100, they made a mistake.
• One World Record, 500 pounds of quarters. Go Wiebe!!!
• Gameinformer has the first looks at Modern Warfare 2
• Microsoft Working on Zune HD. Really... they haven't given up yet?
• Xbox added more titles to their Platinum Hits line up.
• Warner Bros. working on a new He-Man movie.

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F*#k, Not Again

The touch of the cold tiles against the bare skin of my naked body awoke me from my deep coma like slumber. I tried to open my eyes but the bright lights shining off the walls halted my attempts. How did I get here? Where was “here”? Still confused, I tried once more to open my eyes, this time successfully. My head throbbed and my body ached as though I had just completed the Ironman triathlon. Gingerly, I pulled myself up to a seated position, and came to realize where I was. There I sat naked on my bathroom floor, surrounded by the contents of my still queasy stomach. Rubbing my temples with one hand to try and sooth my headache, I looked at my wristwatch to see that it was 6 am. As I sat there, I pondered one thought and one thought only, how did I end up here? Rather, how did I end up here, naked?

I began to piece together the events that unfolded the previous night. We were celebrating a friend’s birthday so we invited everyone over to our place for a few drinks before we went out to celebrate at the bars. Everyone started to arrive at around 7 pm, and I remember drinking a great many various alcoholic concoctions at our place. I recollect calling for cabs, arriving to the first bar, and walking with the wife over to the bar. After that my memories get a little hazy.

The remainder of the night was something straight out of a reality TV show, with only polaroids for memories. Polaroids with rowdy scenes of hot young women in tiny skirts gyrate their sweaty bodies to blaring music. Where intoxicated boys humiliate themselves trying to grind their junk up against the girl’s booties. Going from one bar to another eventually ending the night at some run-down dive that featured a 60 year old lounge singer dressed like Diana Ross.

Everything from here on out is based on what I have pieced together after speaking with the wife. According to the missus, “Kelly drove us home, and Brendan carried you upstairs…” (Being so drunk that I can not get myself home, by no means is a common occurrence for me.) Apparently, after Brendan and Kelly left, I decided that I needed a shower because I felt all “icky”. So I dashed into the bathroom and began to disrobe. Getting my head stuck in my shirt because I failed to unbutton the top two buttons, I stood there yelling for my wife to come and help me. She laughed at me as I stood there helpless and gasping for air. Just as we were able to free my head from the vise grip of my shirt, out spewed the entire contents of my stomach. While not entirely missing the porcelain throne, a vast majority of it ejected through my mouth and nose, landing onto the floor in a puketastic mess. After the disgorging ended, I didn’t want anything to do with moving any part of body in the slightest bit. After she cleaned up the mess, she tried helplessly to get me to bed. I fought her off and decided to lay down right there next to the can just in case, if only for a bit longer. (I must have vomited again over night!)

I must have gotten hot because even she doesn’t know how, when, or why I took off my pants and boxers. I suppose we will never know how it came to be. Maybe I was just hot. Perhaps I felt uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, it’s over and it’s something that I do not wish to revisit.
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Would You Wednesday On Monday

Would you rather....

...be famous for getting beat up by Clay Aiken or for banging Oprah?

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What I've Learned So Far

A few weekends ago I got my hands on an airsoft gun from a friend of mine. It was sooo cool, the shiny full metal body. It had a gas firing mechanism that when I shot it, it would blow back like a real gun. I had fun playing with it as I sat on my couch taking aim at the recently purchased wall ornament affixed clear across the room and down the hallway. My aim got pretty good, over and over hitting the dead center. That quickly got boring. Then my wife came home from brunch with her “girlfriends”. This is where things started to go bad.

For some reason, the second she walked in and I saw her in her tight jeans I instinctively knew what to do. But before I could get the shot off, she said “Don’t even think about shooting me with that thing.”

Now ladies when you say something like that it basically is an invitation. For a second I did think about the consequences, they couldn’t be that bad, and I couldn’t resist the target. Then I took aim and shot off 5 rounds, three hitting their mark squarely on her butt cheeks. She yelled out in pain. Then my wife went on to outline the pain she felt for the next 20 minutes. Instantly I felt bad and had agreed to let her shoot me several times.

If you own an airsoft gun, be careful the urge may be too much to resist. If you end up purchasing one, then shooting your girl, and agreeing to let her shoot you in return, be sure not to be wearing shorts at the time. Loose fitting sweat pants would be much better at absorbing the initial sting. Also have an exit strategy mapped out, as well as, where to get your meals for the next couple of days.
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Good BAD Mothers Day Gifts

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, and moms all over will be given wonderful presents from their children. Most moms don’t expect extravagant gifts, a macaroni necklace and a few hours of uninterrupted time would be fine. But if you are in the market for a lil something, I have put together a list of some stuff that you should definitely not get mom. These are gift ideas that, unless specifically asked for, should never be given.

• Cook books – you sure you want to ridicule her.
• Duct tape – its not father’s day.
• Vacuum cleaner – nothing gives her a better idea of her valuation in your eyes
• Socks – we all have socks that have worn thin and we need replacements, but not as a present.
• Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer – you’re thinking she has scented candles, comfy slippers, and bath beads. With this you can further the spa experience at home…. Not really.
• Sexy Lingerie – probably not a good idea unless she is a stripper.
• Sex toys – if you mom is single, you might think this is a good idea…. its not, really its not.
• Nothing – she went through hours of pain to pop you out of a wee lil gap… you have to get something.

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100 Things To Do Before I Die

Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson star in a movie about two terminally ill men, who head off on a road trip with a list of things to do before they die. They call it their Bucket List. Since the movie was released, tons of people have talked about what they wanted to accomplish before they bite the dust. They put together list like "100 things" they wanted to do before they die. All of their lofty goals, make me tired just reading about them all. I don't have the time for that, so I’m going the route of Michael Ian Black, and have put together my fuck-it list. Its the anti-bucket list. All the crap I really don't care to accomplish.... Enjoy!

• Forgive my enemies
• Get a male brazilian wax
• Swim across any body of water
• Become "brave enough" to kill spiders... eww pass the raid
• Become a vegetarian... i love bacon
• See miley cyrus in concert
• Climb a mountain.... not even a little one
• Make a snow angel naked
• Pretend that sexist, gay, or racist jokes are not funny... cause they are
• Solve a rubik's cube
• Read Twilight
• "Grow up"...f that... Im a toys r us kid

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I &hearts Megan Fox part 2

There really isnt much more to say....
I just wanted to show you this video of her during a photoshoot for Esquire Magazine. She is absolutely stunning...

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/video/megan-fox-video

I would totally just sit there and watch her do the most mundane things.... sigh...
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The More You Know

Caring for your skin is all the rage. Botox injections, chemical peels, anti-aging creams, are used daily by women and men alike. When it comes to the never ending quest to stave off aging, it seems, some are willing to try just about anything.

Placenta, yes the organ that is in a mammals belly connecting the developing fetus to the uterine wall, is a key ingredient in some skin care products. There are an assortment of wrinkle creams and face masks, that are placenta based and touted as natural skin care products. Not restricted to women, there are apparently also aftershaves for men. They are supposed to do a better job of healing skin and aid in the body’s natural ability to produce collagen for smoother skin.

So go out and try them out today, achieve the moisturized healthy look your skin craves.
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