Such An Asswipe

I went over to a friends place for some beer and food, cause well, I was bored.

After an hour of drinking beer and playing video games I had to go tinkle in the little boy’s room.

As I was draining the ole anaconda… I noticed a pack of Wet Wipes next to the toilet. So I washed my hands, got back to the living room and asked him about the wipes.

“Hey dude, what are the wipes for?”

He said to me, “Well, mudbutt, they are to make my cheeks look like Mr. Clean’s head. And if I want to slap a wet nap between my cheeks like my butt just had a bucket of chicken wings – then that’s nobodies beez wax!! Oh and it feels great too!!”

On the drive home later that evening, I began to ponder the thought. Should I go and purchase some wet wipes for my sexy butt. I mean I’ve always figured toilet paper was good enough. I understand that sometimes you feel like all the toilet paper is doing is moving shit things around. So if I were to add a wet wipe into the mix suddenly my ass would feel like it was staying at the Ritz-Carlton.

I know that it’s gonna be a big jump. I’m not sure I’m prepared to just set that box of wet wipes on the back of the toilet and display to the world that I have a squeaky clean booty. Maybe I’ll wait till late one night, lock the doors, and put on some smooth jazz as I let the velvety caress of the wipes take me to nirvana.

Wonder what the wife is gonna say when she sees the wipes next to the toilet.

I don’t know what to do…

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Farting In Public

There is this guy at work, who will remain nameless because he does read this blog every now and then, who farts almost on a daily basis around all of us. With not a bit of bashfulness he lets them go like nothing happened and keeps going with his day.

Yet as natural and commonplace as the act is, others are still embarrassed to let it rip in public places and around others. I personally find it funny to cut the cheese around my wife and family. Especially the silent ones!! The other night she went to bed before me, and she had the fan facing her. So I decided to let one rip into the fan and she woke up from the stink… it was gut bustingly hilarious!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

There are those who seem to think that it’s “not cool” to fart in public. To them I say, “ppssshhhh!”

Yet I do understand that sometimes it’s probably better to hold it in. Like say during a job interview. Probably not a good idea, you best clench up and hold it. Just wait till you get through the interview and let it rip when you get outside. Times like these call for squeezing the ole sphincter.

But when you’re around friends what’s the big deal. When you’re in an elevator who cares. Besides “whoever smelt it dealt it.” Play the blame game. So let one rip and don’t be embarrassed. Why should you feel that you will be ridiculed, for something that is so natural?

So when you have to toot, do you let the vapors go or do you squeeze like your like life depends on it.


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The Week That Was

In case you missed it....

• Josh Brolin's first pics as Jonah Hex
• New Moon Trailer was debuted at MTV awards
• Bruce Campbell confirms a remake of Evil Dead
• Bringing Summer to Dollhouse?
• Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation... just becareful you don't want to end up like David Carradine
• Freakishly-Long-Tongue Girls... ist this hot???
• Eminem was t-bagged by Bruno
• The first signs of Judgement Day
• Playstation's new PSP Go
• Halo Reach is announced fanboys have nerdgasms
• Metal Gear rising to Xbox 360

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E3's Big 3 And You Get To Meet Milo!!!

All three console makers have had their time in the spotlight at E3. There were tons of game announcements and new hardware announcements.

Real brief, Nintendo’s presentation sucked, a few new games but nothing exciting. They announced the Wii motion plus, blah blah blah…. in general it sucked.

PS3, had a few new game announcements, and a few exclusives that looked awesome. They had a Wiimote like motion controller. But the biggies for them were MAG and God Of War 3. Mag looked amazing in all its 128 vs 128 fps. And the visuals for GOW3 of course looked stunning.

But definetly, by far the Xbox 360 team were the clear cut winners at this years conference. They came up with Project Natal, the new wireless controller that has been around since the dawn of time. That controller being you! That’s right folks, you no longer need a plastic controller and be able to quickly push buttons, because you use your entire body as the controller. The system has a full body motion sensor that will mimic what you do in your living room, on screen. Amazing right! Check out these links to view it in action!

http://www.xbox.com/en-US/live/projectnatal/

http://www.youtube.com/xboxprojectnatal#uploads/3/I9tmr8VDqN8

It's really mind blowing stuff!!

But wait, after that announcement, the team over at Xbox invited Lionhead’s Peter Molyneux to demo what they have created with Project Natal.

This is where shit just gets insane. Watch this video….



Molyneux demoed a human interacting with a computer generated character, named Milo, using Project Natal’s technology. That’s right interacting! Milo recognized the person, conversed with her, even read off a piece of paper that she had written on!

So what does this mean you ask….

Xbox 360 + Project Natal = Milo

And what about when Milo becomes self aware???

Milo = Skynet!!!!



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Would You Wednesdays On Mondays

Would you rather...

Would you rather be late to every event in life but be on time for your wedding

or

be on time for everything and be late to your wedding?
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