What I've Learned So Far

A few weekends ago I got my hands on an airsoft gun from a friend of mine. It was sooo cool, the shiny full metal body. It had a gas firing mechanism that when I shot it, it would blow back like a real gun. I had fun playing with it as I sat on my couch taking aim at the recently purchased wall ornament affixed clear across the room and down the hallway. My aim got pretty good, over and over hitting the dead center. That quickly got boring. Then my wife came home from brunch with her “girlfriends”. This is where things started to go bad.

For some reason, the second she walked in and I saw her in her tight jeans I instinctively knew what to do. But before I could get the shot off, she said “Don’t even think about shooting me with that thing.”

Now ladies when you say something like that it basically is an invitation. For a second I did think about the consequences, they couldn’t be that bad, and I couldn’t resist the target. Then I took aim and shot off 5 rounds, three hitting their mark squarely on her butt cheeks. She yelled out in pain. Then my wife went on to outline the pain she felt for the next 20 minutes. Instantly I felt bad and had agreed to let her shoot me several times.

If you own an airsoft gun, be careful the urge may be too much to resist. If you end up purchasing one, then shooting your girl, and agreeing to let her shoot you in return, be sure not to be wearing shorts at the time. Loose fitting sweat pants would be much better at absorbing the initial sting. Also have an exit strategy mapped out, as well as, where to get your meals for the next couple of days.
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What I've Learned So Far

Even though I’ve only been married for a short period of time, here is an example of what I’ve learned so far.

For the last few weeks my wife’s aunt, who lives about an hour away, has been inviting us over for dinner. I really like her aunt and uncle so I don’t mind going over there and spending time with them. We hadn’t been up there at all this year and besides, a well cooked meal is always welcome. Unfortunately, we have been really busy with work and prior engagements that we were obligated to go to. Finally this past weekend we had an opening in our hectic schedule and were delighted to be going over Saturday afternoon.

Now this is where your lesson starts….
While my wife was texting away on her cell phone, I was driving. As we neared her aunt’s home I said “I think we have to make a right up at the next light.”

“Nope, it’s the second light.” she proclaimed.

Now we were both agreed to the fact that we needed to make a right, the question was at which light.

So I thought about it for a second and said, “No it’s definitely this light. I remember from the last time we came.”

She quickly countered, “You can’t remember what we had for dinner last week, we haven’t been here in over eight months, trust me it’s the second light.”

So I started to get irked and said, “Look, I’m the one who always drives us here, and I’m telling you we need to make a right at this light.”

To which she responds, “Well, if you remember, I was in the car too and it’s at the second light that we need to turn.”

Now I was at a boiling point, and I was about ready to say something that I knew would come back to haunt me later. Instead I calmed down and said, “Okay, we’ll go to the second light and turn there.”

She was totally taken aback by this, and I could see the gears turning in her mind, trying to figure out what I was up to. She wondered whether I was being serious, or if I was just patronizing her. So what did I do…. that’s right I drove past the first light and made the turn at the second!

So one of two things would happen:

1: My wife was right. We saved time and she thinks I was willing to listen to her, even when it came to directions. Result for me: Win!

2: I was right. (Insert evil laugh) We wasted time, but I was right! Result for me: Win!

What you should take away: Make sure you don’t rub it in and rejoice in your triumph. Maybe let out a little smile, but careful not too much, you don’t want to be caught with the smile on your face. Just turn around and start driving in the right direction. Well done my young padawan.
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One Hour Rule

Some days are rougher than others; they weigh heavily on your shoulders. You might be stressed because the due date for a particular project has suddenly been moved up. Or because you found out that you need to let go of two people on your team because of budgetary reasons. Or simply because it’s only Monday, and you know there are still four days left in the work week….. Then the second you step through the door it starts; how was your day? Where did you go for lunch? What do you want for dinner? Did you pick up the milk? Blah.. Blah.. Blah... The last thing you want to do when you get home is play 20 questions. This inquisition is not going to help alleviate any stress you may have been dealing with. So for the betterment of our marriage, and my sanity, I have enacted a new rule. It’ll give me a chance to cool off and not get upset with her over something she hasn’t caused.

I’ve told my wife that we need to enact a one hour rule. On days that you’ve just had too much on your plate and you just know that you are in a bad mood, put it into play. As soon as she starts with the third degree, I simply say “One hour rule!” So from that point I have one hour to forget everything that happened during the course of the day that got me into such a shitty mood. I’ll go change, grab a beer and just sit on my chair, as I do and think of absolutely nothing. She will wait patiently for me to de-stress and become my usual self.

This works both ways, there are days when the wife will come home after having a rough day and will enact her own one hour rule. I will leave her alone as she removes the stress of the day. Don’t get me wrong, we talk about stuff all the time. Everyone needs that shoulder. Now while this might seem a bit extreme to some of you, think about it. It’s better than getting into an argument with your significant other over work related stress. Go home and try it today. You’ll thank me for it later….

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