Such An Asswipe

I went over to a friends place for some beer and food, cause well, I was bored.

After an hour of drinking beer and playing video games I had to go tinkle in the little boy’s room.

As I was draining the ole anaconda… I noticed a pack of Wet Wipes next to the toilet. So I washed my hands, got back to the living room and asked him about the wipes.

“Hey dude, what are the wipes for?”

He said to me, “Well, mudbutt, they are to make my cheeks look like Mr. Clean’s head. And if I want to slap a wet nap between my cheeks like my butt just had a bucket of chicken wings – then that’s nobodies beez wax!! Oh and it feels great too!!”

On the drive home later that evening, I began to ponder the thought. Should I go and purchase some wet wipes for my sexy butt. I mean I’ve always figured toilet paper was good enough. I understand that sometimes you feel like all the toilet paper is doing is moving shit things around. So if I were to add a wet wipe into the mix suddenly my ass would feel like it was staying at the Ritz-Carlton.

I know that it’s gonna be a big jump. I’m not sure I’m prepared to just set that box of wet wipes on the back of the toilet and display to the world that I have a squeaky clean booty. Maybe I’ll wait till late one night, lock the doors, and put on some smooth jazz as I let the velvety caress of the wipes take me to nirvana.

Wonder what the wife is gonna say when she sees the wipes next to the toilet.

I don’t know what to do…