Big Chicks Need Love Too

This past weekend, I got a call from a buddy of mine asking me if I wanted to go to a local sports bar. We hadn’t hung out in some time so I decided to just go and get a few beers with him.

I got to the bar early and ordered myself a brew while I waited for him to get there. Three beers later, he finally shows up. (If you’re reading this, you’re an asshole.) So we started to talk about work and sports, you know the usual crap. Then from the corner of his eye, he noticed these two girls across the bar looking over and smiling. Jim looked over at them, smiled, and nodded. Then he turned back to me and said, “Oh, God! Porkers!”

Yea I know, sort of messed up… Not only for saying it loud enough that they could have heard, but because they really weren’t all that fat. Sure they could stand to lose a few pounds, but who wants skin and bones anyway; you want something to grab onto. Anyway, I told him how I felt and he said, “You’re just saying that because you’re married and it doesn’t matter to you anymore.”

While that might be true, I told him that I had been with a thick chick before. That people need to stop and take a look at the person inside and not just their outer beauty. I told him that hot chicks know that they are hot, and so you have to work that much harder just to get an inch. Then I told him that there are benefits to having a fat girlfriend. For one, she can probably cook great! And because there are so many guys that think the way he does, they don’t get approached that often. This in turn means that they probably don’t get laid as much as they would like to. So she will be more open to trying new things… just think of all the possibilities. Plus, she won’t leave you, or cheat on you because nobody else has ever noticed them before. Since society has not been nice to them, you can pretty much be guaranteed that they know how to support themselves. She probably has a great personality, and must have developed some intellect in order to have a social life. Remember all she has to do is lose a few pounds.

So instead of chasing after hot chicks, who undoubtedly have detestable and unchangeable personalities, give yourself a chance at tons of love.

He sent over some drinks; he is going out with one of them Friday night.