Where The F*%k Is My Hoverboard

Dear Science,

Where the fuck is my hoverboard? Nearly 20 years ago I was blown away as I watched Marty McFly shred pavement to escape the grips of his nemesis, Griff Tannen in Back To The Future Part II. You remember the hoverboard, it was just like a skateboard with one crucial difference: no wheels.

I spent countless hours during my childhood daydreaming about how it would work and what it would look like… surely it would come in other colors and not just pink. There were rumors that Mattel had actually made hoverboards, though they couldn’t release them due to saftety concerns from parents groups. (I hate parents…. I promise to never be an “asshole parent” and let my kids do whatever they wanted.) Then my dreams were shattered by the director of the movie, Robert Zemeckis himself. Apparently Michael J Fox has claimed that Zemeckis grew tired of questions about the special effects, and began to answer with such responses as, “What do you mean, how did we do it? It’s a real hover-board. It flies. Michael [J. Fox] just practiced a lot.” Wocka Wocka, thats hilarious asshole.

So hoverboards weren’t in existence then, but its been apx 20 years since the movie came out. According to the movie we should have them by 2015, but the closest things we have are lame hoverboards from Future Horizons, and Hammacher Schlemmer’s even lamer levitating Hover Scooter. They are great starts but I want the holy grail of hoverboards, the one from Mattel.

So I implore you scientist of the world. Please! Please, make me a hover board! Sure I might look like and idiot at 36 years of age trying to keep my balance on a child’s toy, but I want one! Maybe I’ll just get one for my kid and use it in the backyard myself when no one is looking. Anyway, you have 6 more years to make the fantasy of millions a reality.

Sincerely,

WhoIsMookie


P.S. The blow dryer jacket and self inflatable Nikes, can you work on those too!